Friends

Friends.

What friends?

Such hypocrisy. Can this really be the person I have known for twenty years?

Is this the reason I lay here, with my body all but severed?

Since when… When did it all start to go wrong…?

Crunch.

The noise sounded to my left. Wearily, I rolled my eyes in that direction. This action alone had required all the strength in my tattered body to achieve.

Her boots were covered in dirt and fresh blood. She stopped next to my face, and the stench filled my nostrils. At this point, I could barely breathe, let alone avoid it.

Such a foul smell. Just like her.

She lowered herself into a squat, and sat there watching me. I followed her face with my eyes. Her brows were droopy, her blue eyes were wet, and the gash I gave her in her cheek was dripping.

I despised it. What a horrible face she was making.

“Eri…”

I flinched when I heard that name. So shocked, I could’ve sworn that sent shockwaves through my already damaged body.

“Don’t… call me that…” Damn it! I could not even snap at her anymore. She closed her eyes.

“Even when things turn out this way, you will always be Eri to me.”

I had no strength left in me. Perhaps fury also needed energy, but I could no longer feel any emotion at that point. She sat down on the bloody ground, staining her battle garments, and laid down on the grass. Far away, I could hear shouts of victory, and my men screaming for mercy. I did not know if they were killed or captured. All I knew was, the war was finally over.

“Eri, do you remember? Do you remember we used to do this as children? Laying on the grass, watching the clouds, counting the stars? Do you remember?”

The sky above us was stained red, as the sun set. There were hardly any clouds though, and the moon was already out.

“What… are you… trying to… say…?”

I could almost see her smile.

“Some days, even as a Princess, I will leave the palace, leave Erwin, and lie down in the grass, thinking of you.” She whispered. “Even though you were not there, I would always be thinking of you.”

What a bitch.

“Eri, I love you. Even in preparation for battle, even when I gave the order to eliminate you, I never stopped loving you.”

“Shut… up… Maryvessa…”

I hated her. I hated her so much.

Mary sat up to look at me, her long black hair coated with my blood from the grass. She looked at me again, with that face I’ve always hated. How sad, how forlorn.

I hated her with a passion. I hated her for leaving me behind in the village. I hated her for marrying that scum of a prince. I hated her for not defending our home when the neighbouring country invaded us. I hated her for sending her own brother off to die.

Her own brother… Max… my love…

“Eri…”

“Don’t talk to me!” I yelled at her, and immediately coughed up a mouthful of blood. Mary sat in silence, and made an even sadder face. That made me, if possible, even angrier.

“You are… a disgrace… to Aunty Cycil… and Tarni… Village… Don’t call me… by that name… you don’t… deserve it…”

A horrible gurgling noise escaped my throat, as a fresh wave of blood came pouring out.

Heh. So this is where it all ends.

Truth be told, I had no more drive left. There was nothing more I could do.

This is it.

“Tell me… Mary… if we could… start over… would you… have done it… again…?”

The sun had sunk into the mountains, and the last sliver of red lingered over the horizon. If I could hold out a few more hours, maybe… just maybe, I would be able to see the stars.

“Yes.”

There was no hesitation in her voice. I could hear the tears welling up in her eyes, and her fingers trembling, but her resolve was unshaken, unwavering.

I hated her for it.

“You are… the worst… disgrace…”

Night had fallen then. I faintly felt her fingers close around mine. They were slick, and warm with blood. What the heck. Even after all this…

I gave her the slightest squeeze. That was it.

***

I could swear it. Eri had squeezed back.

The last of the light vanished from her eyes, leaving behind shiny, glassy, empty orbs.

She’s gone.

“Eri…”

Slowly, I reached over, and closed her eyelids. When I lifted my hands, she looked like she could be sleeping.

With her icy cold hand still in mine, I looked over the hillside. Though the war was over, happiness still eluded itself. The city was safe, but the picture was nothing less than a disaster. No matter how splendid it once was, I could no longer see the beauty that once entranced me.

“It’s all your fault, Eri. The city no longer looks the same to me, though physically, I cannot tell what the difference is.”

In the palace far away, somebody must be celebrating. The King must be announcing our troops’ victory over the “rebels” right about now.

They, who did not see the blood raining over the battlefield. They, who did not know the anguish of sending good men to their deaths. They, who sat comfortably in their chambers as we fought for the nation. They, who would never need to cut down the one person they would die for.

They could all die, and I would mourn for none of them.

I threw back my head to look up at the indigo sky. I believed, somewhere among those stars, Eri must be there.

“You must really hate me, Eridanus.” I whispered. She would hear me, wouldn’t she?

Was what I believe in really worth the price I paid?

“I know. I hate me too.”

I suppose I will only know at the end of my life.