Koi Fish

The koi fish swam gracefully in the pond, and I watched them detachedly, my mind drifting back to the events of the most disgraceful night of my life. I had led fifty of my father’s men to their deaths, all in the name of my stupid ego, and the thirst to prove that Cesare had no need for a son.

How very, very wrong I was.

I sighed inwardly. Ever since Gianni brought me home I had distanced myself from the family, especially the elders, mainly because of shame, but also because I would only get in the way. Papa had only asked of my well-being, and immediately got to work reinforcing security around the mansion and our territories. Leo had been busy too, the moment he got back, assisting Papa and doing damage control with the elders.  I had wished I would at least get to spend some time with Dom, but he was also preoccupied with his duties, save for the one time he had checked in on me in my room on that stormy night.

I kept mostly to my room and the backyard, which was private to the rest of the family, so there was no chance of running into the elders here. Papa had the backyard remade to resemble a secret garden straight out of a Japanese story book, mainly for my sake. Word had it that the backyard came into being shortly after my birth. I did not know how true that was, but it made me happy just thinking about it.

My good feelings ended almost as soon as they came, the moment my thoughts strayed towards my birth. The Cesare family had a long history of producing only one child every generation. Some had called it the curse of the Cesare family, but others had different opinions. Although a lone child was born to the world, none had ever suffered an early death. All of Cesare’s children had grown to live long and healthy lives, and none had ever left this earth without producing an heir, until Papa became the il padrino.

Why am I, in Cesare’s centuries’ worth of history, the only daughter ever born?

Why is the Cesare namesake stopping with my generation? Even though my future husband was handpicked by my own father, our child will not bear the proud name of the Cesare family. The name that had survived battles over hundreds of years, the name that had invoked the utmost fear and respect in the country of Italy and beyond, why is such a name dying with the birth of a worthless daughter?

I closed my eyes as worry for my family’s future gnawed at my conscience. There was no questioning it: My birth was a terrible mistake.

“There you are, Chiara.” A voice rang through the backyard from behind me. I started a little, then quickly straightened my back and wiped my face clean of emotion before turning around: an art I had perfected over years and years of entertaining the elders and Capos.

“Gianni.” I acknowledged. The brilliant family advisor, from the Valentino family. Our family ties run deep. “Is there anything you need?”

“The Don seeks your presence in his office.”

Papa? Why would he want to see me now?

I stood unsure, but Gianni had already turned to walk away. He stopped at the door and looked back, realizing that I had not followed him.

“Are you not coming?” He asked.

I hesitated for the briefest moment, but it was too late: something had crossed my face and Gianni had more than caught it. He raised an eyebrow.

“Is this about that night? If it is, the Don already said that you bear no fault.”

I said nothing. Should I tell him? Gianni Valentino had joined the family no more than one year ago, though he had been in training since young to replace Roberto Valentino, his father, as Cesare famiglia’s advisor. Even so, many of the elders and capos thought he lacked the life experience and tactical intelligence to serve such an important role. He was, after all, only in his early thirties.

I could hardly agree though. Gianni may be the youngest consigliere Cesare ever had, but he had done nothing but provide valuable insight to both Papa and Leo. Papa had been nothing but impressed, and Leo had expressed his utmost trust and confidence in him on more than one occasion. Even I could see he was not all talk. Not that he talked very much to begin with.

He was still watching me as I stood contemplating him. As close as he was to Papa and Leo, I didn’t think he was the kind to tell them every little thing he knew about everyone in the family. No, he would not have the time for that. It’s safe.

“I already know how Papa feels about my actions regarding that night.” I said, carefully. Gianni did not say anything, but he didn’t move either. The elders really underestimate this man, I thought to myself.

“Do you think, that perhaps…I shouldn’t be here?” I asked him slowly.

Gianni’s expression betrayed not the slightest hint of emotion.

“I’m sorry Chiara, I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

I looked away from him, back to the pond where the koi fish were swimming. There were five of them.

“My grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, and all their fathers, all of them had sons. They only had sons.” I started quietly. Gianni still stood by the door, unmoving. “The family’s legacy was passed down through generations of people who bear the Cesare bloodline and carried the Cesare namesake. I am, however, an exception. I am a girl. I am an only child. Even if I have a son in the future, the name he bears will not be my family’s, but my husband’s. Does that not mark the end of my family’s legacy?”

“So you think you should have been born a man.”

It was a statement, not a question. I looked back at Gianni. The grey eyes behind his glasses pierce into mine like a dull knife. His tone was as cool as ever, but his eyes were not unkind.

He was, however, still a man. He would not be able to understand. I dropped my head and closed my eyes.

“Never mind me. Let us go to Papa.”

I had already walked past Gianni when he suddenly spoke.

“Do you know why Don Cesare chose to rebuild the backyard this way?”

His tone was his usual: calm and low. I spun around. Gianni stood where he was, looking out at Cesare’s secret backyard. Few were allowed in here. The only ones allowed to enter were Leo, Dom, Gianni, myself, and of course Antonio Cesare. Technically the elders were allowed as well, but they did not care for it. They much preferred Cesare’s gigantic golf course. The size of the backyard, although decent, paled in comparison to the endless acres of what they had grown accustomed to.

“Don Cesare had this backyard redesigned and rebuilt immediately after your birth, as I am sure you already know.” Gianni continued, walking over to the koi fish pond. “He brought in master researchers and gardeners in order to make this happen, and in the meantime he threw the biggest party he had ever thrown in his lifetime, and every cat and dog in the family were invited to attend. This backyard,” he gestured around at the bamboo, the fish pond, the little bridge, to the typical Japanese fountain, “was his expression of his prayers finally answered.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Gianni!” I shot at him, surprised at myself that I could get this irritated. “Who in their right minds would celebrate the downfall of their family?!”

I glared at Gianni’s back, tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. Why am I crying? He didn’t scold me. He didn’t even raise his voice. Gianni turned slowly around, and fixed those calm grey eyes on me.

“But of course, Chiara. No one in their right mind would celebrate the downfall of their family.”

His gaze was as it was when he first showed up, though this time with more intensity. A soft breeze blew through the backyard, lifting the soft waves framing his face. Neither of us stirred for a minute or two.

What is he talking about?

Gianni looked down into the pond. The koi fish seemed undisturbed, resting at the bottom of the pool.

“For centuries, the Cesare famiglia fought battle after battle, war after war, through brute force and violence. The Valentino family, pardon me, produced brilliant advisor after brilliant advisor, to assist in the Don Cesare’s plans to dominate the European underworld. In a way, we succeeded. The other mafia families feared us. No one dared to go against the wishes of Don Cesare. If the Don desired peace, no one stirred up trouble. If the Don wanted your head, it would be presented to him on a plate.”

I listened, puzzled. All this sounded like good things to me. Was it not ideal that we are the most feared, most powerful?

“And because of that, Cesare will no doubt meet its end in the near future.”

Gianni finished quietly, but I caught every word. His expression did not change. It must be an opinion he had had for a very long time.

I could not believe what he had just said.

“How dare you Gianni?!” I breathed, my fists balled up and shaking. To announce the end of my family’s reign as surely as he did, to deny my family’s sure victory in the future years ahead as though the centuries’ worth of blood and sweat were worth nothing, this man surely did not know of the wrath of a descendant of the first Don Cesare. “Papa will hear of this. I will not have you roam the mansion freely after insulting the name of the underworld’s King.”

Gianni did not take his eyes off the koi fish in the pond, but sighed quietly. “You will only be repeating to the Don what he already knows.”

“Don’t lie! Papa will never-”

“Entire countries have fallen before, Chiara.” Gianni interjected calmly, his hands in his trouser pockets, now looking squarely into my face. “Mankind has been fighting battles for thousands of years, lands have been conquered, divided, and lost. If the great Zhou Dynasty can fall and another great dynasty can rise, what’s stopping a mafia family from seeing its end, and give way to a possibly more powerful enemy? The fact that Cesare has continuously won for this many years is no less than a miracle, and the Don knows this.”

“That will not be Cesare’s fate.” I spat at him, stubborn as a mule. “We will not go down in history as losers. We will stand tall and win until the end of time.”

The words were out of my mouth before I had time to think about them, and when I understood what I had said, I turned away to hide the flush that I knew was on my cheeks. Gianni’s words were not thoughtless. It made perfect sense. If countries can fall, it would only be a matter of time for Cesare to see the end of its glory days.

“Chiara.” Gianni’s voice sounded irritatingly level. I reluctantly turned towards him, my face undoubtedly red as an apple. “As a direct descendant of the most powerful mafia family, you naturally have a role to fulfill, but not in the way you imagine.”

He stopped for a while, and simply looked at me. As difficult as it was, I maintained eye contact with him. Something about his gaze was different from how I remembered it. Had he always looked so…kind? Perhaps it was because I never paid attention to the character beneath his cool exterior, but it only just struck me that he was not some otherworldly creature. Gianni Valentino was as human as anybody else, with struggles, triumphs, and life stories to tell.

Gianni reached out a hand towards me. I thought he was going to touch my face, but he stopped mid-reach, and after a fraction of a second swiftly reached up and dropped his hand on my head instead.

“Don Cesare has many sons, but only one daughter.” He said, his voice unusually gentle. “The Don has always said that you will change the family’s fate, and lead us away from ruin. There must be a reason you were not born another son. The Don does not need one. He needs a daughter who knows she is enough to serve the role she was born to fulfill.”

Tears trickled down from my eyes as Gianni spoke. If what he said was true, then perhaps I wasn’t such a disastrous mistake after all. There must be something else I could do for Papa, and the mafia family we were both so proud of.

“Now let us go to the Don. He’s been waiting a while now.”

“Yes, let’s.”

***

Author's note: The title that gave birth to this story was "Koi Fish", and when I received this I had no actual inspiration for it. A quick search on google told me what koi fish symbolises - good fortune, success, prosperity, courage, longevity, and perseverance. Inspiration was still far, but I had in mind a story with an original character designed for a personal project. The Cesare family, in a way, embodies the koi fish symbolism: extreme wealth, perseverance throughout several centuries, and continuous success. 

While the koi symbolism isn't particularly strong in this short story (fanfic, as Firesky likes to call it), I really liked how it turned out. It will most likely undergo some editing in the future, but for now, this is how I like it best =D As always, all constructive criticism is welcome ^^